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Joke of the Day

"My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full."

"Where do elephants keep their reproductive organs? On their feet because when they step on you, you're fucked."

"I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me."

"I USED MY WIFE'S VOLUMIZING SHAMPOO AND NOW I CAN'T STOP YELLING!"

"What was the victim of the car crash wearing? A Casualty (Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt) 100% Guraneed Originality You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is..."

"If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people."

"Want to know if you're in the wrong relationship? If you were reading this hoping I really had the answer, it's over. You're welcome."

"My girlfriend attended a 3 day course on ""How Not to talk on the phone"" but missed the beginning. She mistook the course to be ""How to talk on the phone."""

"I pet my dog and he didn't wag his tail. Is he seeing someone else? Is the magic gone? Do we need to spice things up? I'll dress like a cat."

"What does Harambe order when he goes to a restaurant? He gets the kids meal."