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Joke of the Day
"I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad."
Next Joke
"Hermione decided to spice up her life after realizing she was a basic witch. (Sorry, That's it)"
"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I will tell you later. SOURCE: Heard it on the subway"
"No, I'm not damaging my liver. I'm about to sterilize it using alcohol."
"Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth? To prevent tooth DK."
"I want to start body building. I just need to find out where hospitals put the cadavers."
"[at the gym] Trainer: You want me to spot you, bro? Waldo: Please don't do that."
"Facebook: ""Hey why are you making dumb jokes?! Some of us are praying over here!"" Me: *backs away slowly* [My Twitter origin story]"
"What is the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker & a prostitute with diarrhea? The epileptic oyster-shucker SHUCKS between FITS."
"I don't believe Prince Andrew paid for an underage sex slave. That bastard's never paid for anything in his life."