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Joke of the Day

"No, I'm not damaging my liver. I'm about to sterilize it using alcohol."

"I would never let my kids watch the orchestra, too much sax and violins."

"Always helpful... Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."

"What's the difference between tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!"

"What happens when you double park your frogs? They get toad!"

"What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ? 'Let us prey.'"

"I'm still a little pissed we didn't get to keep the tail through the evolutionary process."

"You know what they said about the year old sheep that kept getting into trouble... ...he was a mutton for punishment."

"What did the Psychiatrist say to the naked man wrapped in surran wrap? Well I can clearly see your nuts"

"I tried to share a subway sandwich with a homeless man on the bus. He kept telling me to fuck off and get my own."