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Joke of the Day

"*adult mutant ninja turtles sit in the kitchen doing taxes* you guys wanna smoke a joint? ""were not teens anymore dude"" *donatello sobs*"

"(Grabs store intercom) Would whoever dropped the list with ""pizza"" and ""wine"" on it in the cart come to the front? We need to be friends."

"If a guy calls Life Alert and says ""Help I can't get up!!"" Does he have ED or can he really not get up??"

"What has a bottom at its top? My life ( ._.)"

"Bilbo Baggins walks into a strip club and sees his cousin making it rain on a stripper. Unimpressed by this, he proceeds to shout... ...""Don't Fro Doh""."

"Just when you think parenting can't be any weirder, you find yourself consoling your son, upset that he can't get a squirrel to hug him."

"I found a lone sock left in the laundry room and I thought to myself, ""poor sole""."

"What do you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster? A Nobel Prize"

"The shame about ancient Grecian art... The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite."

"What is the most awesomely amazing word in the English language? Anticlimactic"