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Joke of the Day

"""Last call for flight 254"" [Runs to gate] ""You barely made it"" [out of breath] This isnt my flight. I just wanted to tell you I'm a vegan"

"So, did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"To determine how safe a neighborhood is, divide the number of white women carrying yoga mats by the number of signs saying 'Checks Cashed'"

"My cat was looking for a place to sleep today, all she kneaded was my lap."

"When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying"

"what ya doing... your mum"

"What will a blind, deaf child with no arms get for Christmas? Cancer."

"There's awkward, and then there's listening to a man try to have a conversation with his hairdresser."

"Accuracy ##You miss 100% of the shits you don't take. Made this typo and thought it was hilarious..."

"I threw a Bukakke party last night...... it was terrible nobody came."