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Joke of the Day

"Accuracy ##You miss 100% of the shits you don't take. Made this typo and thought it was hilarious..."

"Becoming a vegetarian Is a big missed steak"

"Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod."

"11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ..."

"If I was a pug, nobody would give me funny looks for slobbering in public or eating food off the floor."

"The captain of a ship got into a fight with a one eyed monster... Once the fight ended and he had prevailed he said to himself ""I lost a lot of good seamen today..."""

"Him: I'll pay for dinner. Me: I want to pay. Him: I'll feel better if you let me pay. Me: Well, if your health is involved, go ahead..."

"What do you call a band that comes out with a new song 12 times a year? Monthford and Son"

"What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet? Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway."

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."