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Joke of the Day

"Making reservations for one at a fancy restaurant because every now and then, I like to be wined and dined before I take advantage of myself"

"My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, ""Big pee pee!"" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on."

"Horses are nice, they're like motorcycles you can pet"

"*casually walks into a crowded Sushi Restaurant wearing a dolphin costume* *suddenly stops, looks horrified, & backs slowly out the door*"

"Where does Chewbacca research his college essays? Wookiepedia"

"Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece."

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre Didn't go over too well in r/pics."

"It's so cool how math isn't real now that I'm a grown up."

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps !"

"I forgot my baby was in the backseat of my car and I accidentally threw my case of beer on him He was ok though. It was light beer."