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Joke of the Day

"Thanks a lot, gourmet cupcake shops. You've taken a perfectly good treat and turned it into an asshole."

"Gardeners Interesting fact: Gardeners get to stay in their beds all day."

"Did you hear of the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"The monkey at the zoo ruined my new shirt. I should have seen it coming."

"Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana"

"Psychic porn stars always see it coming."

"I went to a Mechanic when my car started making these awful noises but it just turned out to be Nickelback playing on the radio."

"What do you call an insect that talks under its breath? A mumble bee"

"me: *turns around in swivel chair* *tents fingers* I guess you never expected to see ME again... Boss: Must we do this every Monday?"

"The Black Third Grader Goes To His Mom. He asks his mom, ""Mom, I have the biggest Dick in the third grade! Is that because I am black?"" She replies, ""Nah Nigga, its because your 19!"""