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Joke of the Day

"What did the O say to the Q? ""Dude, you're dicks hanging out"""

"You know how birds fly in a v formation? Do you know why one side is longer than the other? It is because that side has more birds."

"Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me."

"I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients."

"Saw a bumper sticker that said 'Jesus is the answer.' Two cars later I saw one that said 'Who farted?' Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever."

"I'll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I've felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower."

"Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, ""Colonel"" is the biggest liar of all time"

"What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her."

"The pen is mightier than the sword ...except in basically every real life battle scenario"

"On a scale of 1 to 10 on the hungover scale I'm at ""can't handle this conversation with my mom about a hickey."""