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Joke of the Day

"We didn't take a video recording of our child's birth but we have some awesome video of his conception."

"*registering with a doctor* Receptionist: ""Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section"" *batman runs out crying*"

"Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway"

"My dvd got a scratch... so i used sandpaper to smooth it out"

"How do you know you are in a real lesbian bar? Not even the pool table has balls"

"Which dinosaur named all the others? The Thesaurus"

"If a cow laughs, does milk come out his nose?"

"Alcohol and calculus don't go together very well. Don't drink and derive."

"I used to work at an orange juice factory... ...I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate."

"Homework. The teachers' way of knowing how smart the parent is."