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Joke of the Day

"Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead."

"I'll be over there in a second Just give me a minute"

"All cicadas must be female because they never shut the fuck up."

"What do you call a guy that's lost his car? Carlos"

"Florist: ""Would you like your flowers wrapped?"" Me: ""Nope, they're going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law."""

"I always hate going to my Rastafarian friends house its dreadful"

"What's the difference between firewood and a jew? The firewood ain't been turned into ash yet."

"What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems? By sending them executables."

"Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife. Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife."

"What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down? The fourth wall"