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Joke of the Day

"DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please."

"Who placed 3rd for basketball in the 2016 Olympics? LeBronze James"

"Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single."

"What receives a man's first blowjob? An NES cartridge."

"If lemonade is made from lemons, what's a colonnade made from?"

"I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy."

"""I don't follow her so whatever you do, don't LIKE one of her Instagram photos or she'll know we're looking at them."" -Why 2015 is confusing"

"Donald Trump has written several books on business... and they all end in chapter eleven. Credit to Triumph for that one."

"When pigs fly they will have the most delicious wings."

"Where can you find tetraplegics? Where you left them."