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Joke of the Day

"I found out about Forrest Gump while looking into Fitbits. He was the best of all the running aids."

"What do you get if you fuck someone in the ear? Hearing aids."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... without a penis."

"So I went to a fortune teller and asked if I was going to get any action that night. She told me she didn't deal in self fulfilling prophecies."

"What does a DrugLord and a TimeLord have in common... They both have two hearts, but one keeps his spare in a cooler."

"Sarcasm is like hitting someone in the face with a bat, but with words."

"For the Canadians (Warning: Offensive) How do you kill a fox with one leg? Make him run across Canada."

"Why are women such bad drivers? Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom."

"What do we want? Race car noises. When do we want them? Neoooooooooooooooooooooow"

"I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad. Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster."