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Joke of the Day

"The doctors were concerned... ..about my headaches, so they sent me for a brain scan. They found nothing. Still concerned, they gave me an IQ test. The results were negative."

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, you racist."

"I love people. However, most of them are fictional characters."

"I'm sorry, we can't hire you. But your background check was hilarious."

"There was a four-car reck in Mexico today... 93 people died"

"Me: Thanks for the sex. Me: You're welcome. Me: Maybe next time we can have another person in the room. Me: That'd be nice."

"*puts on layers of running gear* *makes a ponytail* *laces up sneakers* *drives to McDonalds*"

"It's my ninth anniversary on Twitter. I could not have done it without my ex-wife and my kids whose names I no longer remember."

"My friends are taking me to a restaurant called DogHouse ""Is that a Korean place?"""

"Summer is here I'm at home and thinking: Should I go outside and look at those I can't fuck, or should I stay here and fuck the one I can't even look at?"