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Joke of the Day

"What happens when a nun becomes pregnant? They fire a Canon."

"I like my women like I like my bikes. Chained up and locked down in my garage."

"A girl asked me for a dick pic. I told her sorry, my phone doesn't take panoramic pics."

"I don't know how well Fast & Furious 8 will do in the box office I mean, without Paul Walker, it'll probably just crash and burn, really."

"Everyone romanticizes the past until they get horribly sick and wake up covered in leeches."

"I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep."

"A Rabbit's foot is considered good luck! A Camel's toe should be considered really good luck!!"

"""Where's Waldo?"" books become more thrilling if you think ""Okay... Waldo's my brother and he's off his meds and will die if I don't find him."""

"Me: ""You kids aren't getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!"" Grandma: ""Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing."""

"How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains."