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Joke of the Day

"""Where's Waldo?"" books become more thrilling if you think ""Okay... Waldo's my brother and he's off his meds and will die if I don't find him."""

"""hoes before hos"" --the belief that your garden's needs should always come before your bitch's."

"EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it"

"Knock knock Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave breaking down into an emotional wreck and mess of tears at the realisation that the Alzheimer's has finally taken hold."

"How can you tell it's a porno actor filling up his car at the next pump? Just before he gets to twenty bucks he pulls out the nozzle and shoots it all over the trunk."

"A man's girlfriend shaves her pussy in the shower. His girlfriend says ""Hey babe, I shaved my pussy...you know what that means?"" The man replies ""Yeah, the fucking drain is clogged again."""

"A police officer with integrity"

"I waited a long time for my testicles to descend When one finally did I had an inaugural ball"

"Dude goes to convenience store and asks for cigarettes, gets one and warning reads "" Smoking can cause impotency"" politely asks ""Bro, give me the pack that causes cancer"""

"Spotting Idiots Online I wish there was some way to identify idiots online. Sent from my iPhone"