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Joke of the Day

"""This won't end well, mark my words. Mark, my words. MARK. MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!"" *Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*"

"At cardio class tonight, a 22yo size 0 told me ""you run fast for someone your age"" so now I have a body to bury if anyone wants to help me."

"Ad hominem tactics are awful and so is anyone that uses them."

"Q: What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything. A: Three Men And A Baby"

"An 'overdose' is what happens when you suck at taking drugs."

"Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ? Because it's a 'mane-lion' station !"

"Everyone thinks.. Everyone thinks Jesus is soooo good, feeding an army with 3 loaves of bread and a fish. Hitler's not such a bad guy, he made 6 million jews toast."

"John: There are places... Paul: I remember George: All my life, though... Ringo: How can antibiotics and pro-biotics both be good for you"

"Out of embarrassment, I just told a train passenger I'm crying cos my bf dumped me. Real reason is I'm listening to the Lion King soundtrack"

"I'm starting my own Build-a-Bear type place except the kids make toys for other kids and it's in China."