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Joke of the Day

"in 2001 i was in a coma dying from meningitis and someone played ""in the end"" by linkin park and i woke up to tell them to turn it off"

Next Joke
 
"What do you call a rich black man? A tycoon."
"I thought I pocket dialed you... But it was just a clothes call."
"I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)"
"What do you call a Redneck Baker? Inbread"
"I ate a chocolate bar in bed last night & my wife said, ""you have a problem"" so I replied, ""no, you have a problem; I have a chocolate bar."""
"Sometimes me and my brothers used to mess with grandpa. Once we asked him if he knew what a sex tape was. He nodded thoughtfully. 'Sex tapes? Sure, we have those, but your grandmother prefers cuffs.'"
"My favorite sex position is the JFK... I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car."
"[On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye."
"I got caught masturbating recently, to a National Geographic magazine. I don't know who was more embarrassed me or my dentist."