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Joke of the Day

"If we're dating and you call me bae, boo or daddy... I'm walking out on you like, well, your daddy."

"I really needed something positive in my life so I finally got tested."

"What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck? He was on the rocks."

"What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them"

"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."

"What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest? Na 'ma ste"

"A homosexual, a pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink."

"What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil? Popeye's knob."

"I don't know, Your Honor. Last thing I remember was the Polaroid picture crying and I was shaking it like a baby andIT WOULDN'T STOP CRYING!"

"Last year i was miserable and depressed, But this year I've turned it around, I'm depressed and miserable"