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Joke of the Day

"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."

"My brother lost his eyesight in a motorboating accident. Her nipples were pierced."

"What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist? Tooth hurty"

"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says ""Does this taste funny to you?"""

"Free beer tomorrow!"

"I brought a glue gun to a knife fight. Those knives aren't going anywhere."

"Diarrhea is hereditary... It runs in the jeans (genes)"

"Don't trust anybody who owns a working printer."

"Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy."

"I like having conversations on elevators because you know there's a time limit."