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Joke of the Day

"I just accidentally put my mic too close to my guitar amp and I think I made a Skrillex song."

"I'm sorry you lost the weightlifting competition. Would you like a pick me up?"

"We should teach North Korea a lesson and send them James Franco."

"My Bestie just got banned from Taco Bell. I cannot wait to hear this story. I have given table dances at Taco Bell and not got kicked out."

"30+ and single? There's an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat."

"i put the ""alcohol"" in ""me"""

"My niece thinks she's more mature than me because she listens to Beethoven. His movies sucked plus why would I wanna listen to dog music?"

"Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die? He was in de-Nile."

"If I had a time machine I'd go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the shit out of people with an electric toothbrush."

"I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, & my fingers...because I can always count on them."