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Joke of the Day

"Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?"

"The man who invented the jigsaw has died. May he rest in pieces."

"""We want people to wake up, but also want to kill themselves."" - Alarm Clock Sound Engineers"

"MAN!! My boss is always all ""Blah blah blah!"", ""You're late!"", and ""Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!"""

"Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing."

"When I was born I was so surprised ... I didn't talk for a year and a half."

"I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver."

"You know, living away from my parents really makes me realize how much I need a dishwasher that's also a really good chef"

"You know what really grinds my gears? People who can't drive manual."

"What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? ""I'm stuck on you!"""