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Joke of the Day

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman? Zero."

"My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house."

"Why was Skrillex never in an orchestra? Because he would always drop the bass"

"Explaining a fountain to a 3rd world country must be weird. 'Yeah we just shoot clean water into the air and throw our extra money into it'."

"I have new strategy for getting my wife to have sex with me... When we are in bed I just talk and talk until she has sex with me just to shut me up. I call it filibusting a nut."

"Please do not throw cigarette butts into the urinals, as it makes them soggy and very hard to light -Bathroom graffiti"

"I want to repaint my room a shade of white... ...but I can't decide between ""eggshell"", ""beige"", or ""2016 Oscars""."

"cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say ""asterisk vaults ov"

"What's the difference between your mom and a bowling ball? You can eat a bowling ball."

"Man, those guys in the Cialis commercial sure are charmed by their wives' approximations of human behavior"