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Joke of the Day

"cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say ""asterisk vaults ov"

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"So if pro's are the opposite of con's... Then what is the opposite of progress?"
"What's white and crawls up your leg? Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice"
"Knock Knock A: Knock Knock B: Who's there? A: Interrupting Dyslexic Cow B: Interrupting Dys-- A: OOOOOOOOOM!"
"If I ever met the Dalai Lama, I would ask him a question that has plagued me my entire life. ""What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?"""
"If god didn't like sex, He wouldn't make us scream His name when it's really hot."
"Sometimes I enjoy my steak undercooked.. ...but that's rare."
"What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer? A hole in Juan"
"Wife: Where are you going? Me: I'm wearing my robe and boxer briefs so obviously I'm off to fight crime"
"A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff together. Ba-dum-tss"