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Joke of the Day

"Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%"

"[Hires Skywriter] I DON'T OVERREACT"

"Three men walk into a bar... You'd have thought the third one would have seen it."

"I just love that fragrance you're wearing, is that Consent?"

"Why did the Bear dissolve in water? He was polar"

"NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station ME: wow that's awesome NASA: you and your entire family! ME: oh ok no thanks"

"Hi, my name is Chadical--I mean--Chad, and I'm a recovering bro. [group says ""Hi, Chad"" but one voice goes ""Sup bro""]"

"Your proctologist called. He found your head."

"*Giant boulder slowly crushes several hundred cats* Guy who's about to invent the bagpipes: Hey, this gives me an idea!"

"You really shouldn't mess with rickshaw drivers They run the streets."