13146

Joke of the Day

"What is the last thing to go through the mind of a suicide bomber? His own ass."

"TIL I'm always submitting to the wrong subreddit."

"What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common? Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure."

"[At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly"

"Every woman I've ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me... ...in their rearview mirror."

"I often agree to let my kids sleep over at other people's houses, just to remind parents that there are kids who are way worse than theirs."

"Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!"

"If there really was a Purge, and all crime was legal for one night, I'd probably do something super crazy, like loiter."

"LPT: Dont buy French bread You will get nothing but Pain"

"Q: What do elephants and plums have in common? A: Everything, except that one is an elephant and one is a plum."