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Joke of the Day

"My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away. That's a bit far-fetched"

"""I missed you so much!"" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed."

"What do The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common? Icy Dead People."

"So I Organized a three-way last night... There was a couple of no-shows, but overall, it worked out fine."

"""Darling, your teeth are like stars."" ""So yellow and so far apart..."""

"Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife."

"I live next door to a hacker. I wish he'd cut back on smoking."

"My girlfriend said she wants me to make her feel like shes the only girl in the world. So i'm gonna drop her off in the desert and leave"

"Every time I try to pick up chicks a description of my car ends up on the news."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Him: why did the chicken cross the road? Her: I don't know. Him: to go to the shops. Do you think that's funny? Her: No. Him: neither did the chicken."