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Joke of the Day

"""dad, what does extravagant mean?"" idk son. why don't you ... [i turn to my wife using $100 bills to light the fireplace] ask your mother"

"Usain Bolt its so fast when he misses the bus He just waits at the next stop"

"What do you call a self-absorbed trumpet player? Brasshole"

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only Tennessee."

"When it comes to gun control, the first thing that should be banned are tee shirt cannons."

"Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn't want to ruin my day by talking to you."

"I just found out my wife is 1/4 Navajo And 3/4's regular ho."

"I enjoy hitting my kids with my belt. I also never take my belt off."

"A Russian goes for an eye check up The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY Doctor: Can you read this ? Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin."

"My girlfriend is the undisputed queen of not giving a fuck But it's all good. Her sister is plenty wild for the both of them"