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Joke of the Day

"*I* actually went through with a threesome. There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time."

"Therapy Me: she never tells me anything Her: He doesn't listen Me: that's bs gimme an example Her: I'm 8 months pregnant Me: WHOA"

"Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power."

"How many men from the US swim team does it take to open a door? Just one if its lochte'd"

"If you marry an 18 year old they call you a cradle robber.. So if you marry a 70 year old, does that make you a grave robber?"

"What did the Seven Dwarfs say when the prince woke up Snow White? Welp.... I guess it's back to jerking off!"

"The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures."

"I hit a kid with my car last night Then I realized it was only a goat."

"What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated Milk."

"What makes a great pizza joke? It's all in the delivery."