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Joke of the Day

"Snakes are terrifying because they can't trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power."

"Subway to release a statement next week In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches."

"What is the #1 cause of paedophilia? Sexy children."

"What does a BYU coed do when she notices people are drinking at a party? She puts her top back on and leaves."

"Any party is an ugly sweater party if you're ugly and you sweat a lot"

"After a dream I had last night, credits rolled. I had no idea so many people worked on those things."

"I just moved into an apartment above a jazz club... I was sick of paying for sax."

"Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream."

"Book that helped Teacher: ""Which book has helped you the most in your life?"" Student: ""My father's check book!"""

"I dropped out of law school when I found out that badgering the witness has nothing to do with throwing woodland creatures at defendants."