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Joke of the Day
"My grandpa died peacefully in his sleep... But not the other 3 people in his car."
Next Joke
"I give frequent lectures about informative and interesting topics underwater. For academic porpoises."
"If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question."
" You're born. You grow up. You believe in Santa. You stop believing in Santa. You look like Santa. You are Santa. You die."
"Ever fill a garbage bag, put your foot on it and stomped the hell out of it so it held 9 times what it's supposed to? Yoga pants explained."
"Johnny asked his grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could fuck in one night."""
"Animals can sense disasters before they happen. That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl."
"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black."
"When I'm feeling athletic, I go to a sports bar"
"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple..? Cancer."