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Joke of the Day

"My teenaged daughter just asked me how to spell U2. Fingers crossed for that athletic scholarship."

"A Russian businessman has been ordered to pay his wife $4.5 billion in what is being called the world's most expensive divorce. Then L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling said, ""Stay tuned."""

"Did you hear they are trucking tons of coal to Mt. Rushmore? There going to add Obama."

"Why do Canadians love Syrian Refugees? more moslem guys who can convert canadian girls to islam. What a deal!"

"White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed."

"Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem. If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it."

"Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving."

"I got pulled over drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn't even know I was driving."

"FIRMS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF OFFERING SERVICES YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AT PRICES THEY REFUSE TO DISCUSS."

"I like my women like I like my Pistachio nuts. Easy to get inside or else I'll just move onto the next. Ha ha only joking. I'm so lonely."