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Joke of the Day

"I sincerely hope that when I get older my children don't put me in a home or on a stage at a political convention."

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"A pizza shop owner was found dead covered in pepporoni, mushrooms, ham and pineapple. Word is...he topped himself."
"Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off..."
"Freudian Slip... I got divorced over a Freudian slip. I meant to say, ""Please pass the salt"" but I said, ""You rotten bitch, you ruined my life."" (I think that's a Jackie Mason joke)"
"Q: Why do hens lay eggs? A: If they dropped them they'd break"
"The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence."
"Has anyone ever tried Ethiopian food? neither have they"
"If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of. (An American)"
"I had no shoes and I felt sorry for myself..... Then I met a man with no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."
"My little Nephew told me this one. What do Trees and Dogs have in common? Bark."