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Joke of the Day

"I failed my driver's test. The instructor asked me ""What do you do at a red light? I said ""I usually see what people are up to on twitter."

"Why won't people let Hitler go to the Bar-BQ? He'll just burn the Frank's!"

"My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with ""stories""."

"Gay guys are fucking assholes."

"I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time... I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch"

"My girlfriend asked me what I feel about being with her. I told her what I truly feel. Numbness radiating down my left arm."

"I have reliable inside information about Apple's next product. I will not be able to afford it."

"""Son: Dad, i had sex for the first time"" 'Dad: That is great Son! Sit down and tell me all about it' 'son: Yeah about that...'"

"Strange new trend in the work office started. People have been writing names on the food. Today I ate some pizza named John."

"I'm usually not into butt plugs... ...it's actually the other way around :)"