130079

Joke of the Day

"I failed my driver's test. The instructor asked me ""What do you do at a red light? I said ""I usually see what people are up to on twitter."

"It must suck when a billionaire... Wakes up feeling like a million bucks."

"me: well I grew up without a dad and I turned out okay cw: don't u collect human teeth?? me: yeah but they're not my teeth"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I've never had a garbanzo bean in my bed."

"Maybe It's You The debut album from the literal chorus of Taylor Swift exes. Available for download from iTunes soon."

"A movie about a surfer vs. a shark but instead of going back into the water & fighting the shark & dying, she finds somewhere else to surf."

"""SMH, SMH, SMH, hi, SMH, SMH"" (a text message from Muhammad Ali)"

"im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth"

"What's the difference between an arts graduate and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family"

"Do I feel like crying? HELL YES LET'S DO THIS 'THE FAULT IN OUR STARS'"