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Joke of the Day

"House doctor and my family are looking at me like I'm retarded. Note To Self: Cats land on their feet...not babies."

"A Joke About Kim Jong Un [removed]"

"54% of IKEA purchases end in divorce."

"[NSFW] Yesterday I gave a surprise bukkake party to my roommate... ...everyone came. You should have seen her face."

"70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots"

"If Donald Trump was a fruit what would he be? A walnut."

"Eating Your Homework Mom: Billy, why are you eating your homework? Billy: The teacher said it was a piece of cake!"

"I get a new phone every year just so my friends don't think I'm lying when I tell them I've lost their number Avoidance is expensive"

"8 out of every 5 people are mathematically illiterate"

"Just texted her ""thanks for choking on me"" I meant ""checking"" but kinda curious what the response is gonna be."