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Joke of the Day

"Republicans say they're not satisfied with Michele Obama's speech because she didn't give it from her kitchen."

"My mother always told me ""if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all""...and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them."

"I just came in from ________ and boy are my ________ tired. Taco Bell, Bowels"

"I can finally scratch ""murdering an anonymous vagrant"" off my bucket list. I didn't do it, it just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore I guess."

"I take it personally when the UPS guy drops off a package for my neighbors but doesn't bring me one."

"There is a new machine for testing your sperm count at home Maybe I could use it to check my daughter's saliva sample"

"I've just been reading about this toddler in China who fell eight stories out of a window. Apparently he was caught by a woman walking by. The kid was fine, and he was back in work the following day."

"A percussionist gets punched. What does it do? It would block."

"A women insists, ""Women are funny!"" A man replies, ""You're right! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!"""

"""Hippos are actually more dangerous than crocodiles and sharks combined."" - Moron who clearly hasn't pictured a Crocoshark."