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Joke of the Day

"The Week Off? Me: Sorry boss, i can't come in today, i have a wee cough Boss: you have a wee cough? Me:Really?! thanks boss, see you next week!"

"What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain? Anything you like he can't hear you."

"My girlfriend can only count out loud up to five. She thinks oral six is going too far"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?"

"My Local Pizza Place Just Folded Now they serve Calzones."

"Donald Trump has just announced his candidacy for president Sorry for putting the punchline in the title."

"How do you call a homosexual with a boner? Homo Erectus"

"A man came to my door earlier and asked for a small donation towards the town's new swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water"

"Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?"

"I bought shampoo for ""badly behaved"" hair. So relieved my hair will finally stop robbing banks and terrorising old ladies."