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Joke of the Day

"Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet."

"A joke my three year old brother told me Why do cows poop carrots? BECAUSE THEY'RE CARROT COWS!!!"

"What's long, green, slimy and smells like pork? Kermit the frog's finger"

"*Attempts to give a Homeless guy change* Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you. Me: Really? *holds on to change*"

"I happily dad joked my fiance While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side. To which I replied, ""At least you won't smell half bad!"""

"Why did the tomcat get sent to prison? For looking at kitty porn."

"This summer, while visiting Europe, I had a blast in Florence. She seemed to enjoy herself too."

"If you're bringing a kid to my house, it better be a baby goat."

"Interviewer: Tell me about your future plans. Me: You mean, like, just tomorrow, or for, like, the whole weekend?"

"There is no ""i"" in ""stupid."""