129397

Joke of the Day

"FBI AGENT: [lifting crime scene tape and walking in] dale howard, fbi ME: [following him] bob vulfov, looking for a bathroom"

"Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant? He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it."

"I hope that one day I am as fearless as a New York City Pigeon."

"If we both go for the last slice of apple pie at the same time, I will bury my fork in your throat."

"President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom."

"Name a country that doesn't have a letter ""A"". JEPEN LOL"

"If I've learned one thing from twitter, it's how to get a ton of work done in an hour after wasting 80% of my day tweeting."

"The loop of Internet sites we repetitively check up on while procrastinating is worse than crack."

"Hate the political process, not the politicians. Nah, who the f*#k am I kidding? Hate those politicians!"

"Paris Hilton is suddenly a DJ? Well. Then I'm a dragon."