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Joke of the Day

"It's cute how they show subtitles during Here Comes Honey Boo Boo & pretend that anyone watching might actually know how to read."

"New users will never know about the old Twitter. I'll tell them stories of it, and how I walked uphill both ways. In the snow."

"When does CPR become Necrophlia? When tongue is involved."

"Three hunters come across some tracks in the middle of the woods... The first hunter says its wolf tracks the second says its bear tracks the third was hit by a trian"

"What's bad about wetting your bed? Urine it."

"If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them."

"My kids challenged me to a cartwheel contest. Long story short, now my chiropractor has a new boat."

"ISIS just frozen water"

"I told my wife I want to try anal sex... She said she's been having anal sex for years. My entire life is the joke."

"Why does little sally have a limp? SHE WENT TO JARED!"