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Joke of the Day

"I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people"

"Is it okay to not like a certain race? My friends want me to run a 10k with them, but I want to run a 5k."

"A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, ""I want you to treat me like a princess."" The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall."

"Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them, they will die."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says give me a beer... ...and a mop"

"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""

"How does Donald Trump keep Mexicans off reddit? With a text wall."

"Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whorehouse for a hug."

"*cocks shotgun* I asked you a question: in order to ride a pug would you rather be shrunk to its size or have it grown to your size"

"[shitty joke incoming] A man just woke up from brain surgery... Where he got a brain tumor removed. When the doctor asked if he was okay he said he felt light headed."