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Joke of the Day

"A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, ""I want you to treat me like a princess."" The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall."

"My wife can't cook so she asked me for help in baking a cake. I told her to separate 2 eggs... She put one in the bedroom and one in the bathroom.. Ijit."

"Why do you never see a crackhead over 30? Cause they're fucking dead"

"So I studied abroad in college... She never called me back though."

"What's one cracker plus two crackers. [257 Calories](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=What%27s+one+cracker+plus+two+crackers%3F)"

"If Edgar Allen Poe didn't have a cat named Poepurry, then I question him as a writer."

"Poker doesn't work well in Africa. There's just too many cheetahs."

"Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it."

"HILLARY: i'm sick and tired of these baseless accusations THE MEDIA: aha! you see?! she admits it! not only is she sick, she's also tired!"

"Oatmeal shouldn't get to have the word ""meal"" in it. How about oatsnack? Or oatbullshit?"