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Joke of the Day

"Have you seen the movie Constipated? No? That's because it hasn't come out yet. Have you seen the movie Diarrhea? You can. It's still running."

"President Obama is walking through the White House... ...when he passes former President Clinton. ""Bill!"" says Obama, ""what's going on? How is Hillary's head?"" ""Well,' says Bill, ""She's no Monica."""

"Psychologists who have examined Oscar Pistorius say that he is at risk of suicide. Especially if he confuses himself with a burglar."

"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the pants"

"What would be the name of a very old rapper? 2 Canes"

"The wife asked her husband to get rid of his boner He tried, but it was too difficult."

"Just broke my very own personal record of most consecutive days without dying."

"Every morning when my alarm goes off I think ""This is the worst thing that has EVER happened."""

"My girlfriend asked me why I was sitting with the eggs... I couldn't find my whisk, and if you can't beat them, you might as well join them..."

"Go to a botanical garden? Haha, yeah, okay. Like I want to pay money to walk through a giant salad"