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Joke of the Day

"Why are millionaires bad at swimming? Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it"

"I'd date me. But mainly because I put out."

"If I can hear you chew, I have fantasized about your death."

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they."

"Teens today stuck inside all day long playing video games. In my day, we spent all day outside smoking hash oil & cigarettes with friends."

"If a cop pulls you over for talking on your phone, just tell him you were reporting a drunk driver."

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex... ...but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"Live Shark ""Can I buy a live shark here?"" ""Lady, what do you want with a live shark?"" ""A neighbor's cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson."""

"What do you call a theatrical performance about puns? A play on words"

"Wife: can you change the baby Me: oh thank god. I'm so glad you said that. Yes, yes I will Wife: I don't mean swap it for a new one Me: ..."