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Joke of the Day

"God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world... ...Then He made the Earth rough and He laughed and laughed..."

"What did the constipated maths teacher do when he got stuck? got a pencil and worked it out."

"What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?"

"*going through mail* ""bills bills bills bills bills"" ""I think I'll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine."""

"""sure was nice of me to give that homeless guy $5 this morning"" [sees Steve Bannon on TV holding a Starbucks] ""son of a..."""

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they'd be called chicken sedans!"

"Just waiting to hear those three special words... ""there's no evidence."""

"Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book."

"My preferred method of birth control is ""mood-killing repetitive DVD menu."""

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're all horrible sinners and you're going to hell."