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Joke of the Day

"Tried my hand at this whole 'cougar' business but I just don't like the taste of hikers. It's possible I read the wrong Wikipedia page."

"I'm capable of having female friends. We can totally snuggle naked and I won't try anything funny."

"Why did the melon have commitment issues? Because he cantaloupe"

"*tips fedora at mosquito* M'laria"

"You go in for an interview for a Linux programming job... ...and you are asked for an example of your linux programming abilities, so you type into the terminal ""sudo apt-get JOB"""

"The Apple store in town got robbed last night the police have sent out an appeal for iWitnesses"

"What do you call it when you open a soda for a buddy who is in outer space? An astrofizzassist."

"(NSFW) It's been just over 10 years since we lost the Crocodile Hunter. He was a man of morals that died the same way that he lived... With animals in his heart."

"I just invented a new word: plagiarism."

"What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies? WILL.I.WAS"