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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when you open a soda for a buddy who is in outer space? An astrofizzassist."

"What do you get when you cross a Jew with a Chinese person? Cha-Ching"

"I'm half Irish and half Jewish, so... I'm drinking if you're buying."

"Knock Knock who's there? -it's a-me -Amy who? -it's a-me Mario."

"Fun Fact: You can be charged with home invasion and aggravated assault if you use a box cutter to break down cardboard and a hobo's inside."

"Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn."

"Early christians supported marijuana usage. Just think about how many get stoned."

"Smokey the Bear just told me that only *I* could prevent forest fires. This is a lot of pressure, people."

"Why do women spend less time in prison than men? Because a period ends a sentence."

"I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too."