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Joke of the Day

"My dog just fell off the bed. I'm glad I'm not the only one drunk around here."

"The Alzheimer Society of Ireland is commemorating 30 years this year... ...or is it 40?"

"Angelina Jolie needs to take some time off her busy schedule of feeding the hungry and poor in third world countries and feed herself for a change."

"If I had a dollar for every girl I fucked ... ... I would be still fucking poor!"

"I'd like to think that halfway through Nicole Kidman's last name there's a tiny bar mitzvah."

"I'm very English. I ordered a book off the internet the other day called ""How to have nothing to do with your neighbours"" Unfortunately, I was out when it arrived..."

"I don't research Nihilism anymore. What's the point?"

"Sleeping thoughts Sometimes when I go to sleep I like to look at the stars and just think... what the hell happened to my roof!?"

"Best Joke of all Time Civil Rights Act of 1866"

"You're following a man who once stole someone's garbage can lid and used it as an umbrella. That's on you."