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Joke of the Day

"If Hillary Clinton makes it onto money... ...then she would have had to be on top while her husband and her were having sex. Otherwise, it would make no sense for her to be on a bill."

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"What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection? No hard feelings."
"Famous last words of the father, when he killed his Son with a vacuum cleaner Dyson"
"Q: How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to hold it one to hammer it in."
"I had sex in an elevator.. It was awesome on so many levels!"
"When I learned what calculators did, I immediately cleared the ""math"" part of my brain to make room for more movie quotes."
"I do my trigonometry outside... cos tan."
"What to you call epileptic lettuce? Seizure salad."
"And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the ... Paul Ryan"
"1816: a grizzly bear ate my mom as she fetched drinking water. 1916: I'm in a muddy trench, bleeding internally. 2016: IM OFFENDED!"