127904

Joke of the Day

"I was just sentenced to Prison for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 20 years."

"1st man: ""My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"" 2nd man: ""Did they wake you?"" 1st man: ""Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."""

"What's the advantage to fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"

"So I hear Robin Gibb died a few days ago. There's only one BeeGee left now... ...I guess he's Stayin' Alive..."

"What's the russian royalty's favorite type of fish? Czar-dines!"

"My landlord just called and said my neighbors just complained about all the loud freaky sex they are hearing from my house... So now I'm on my way to buy some headphones for my laptop..."

"TIL Humans eat more krill than whales. I can't remember the last time I've eaten a whale."

"[posing for mugshot] ""now turn forward"" [flash] lemme see"

"Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?"

"Welcome to Applebee's! Can I take your order or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the mistakes you made in life that led you here?"